Quick one.

We went to see Klaus this early afternoon and he slept the whole time we were there. They give him sedatives to help him sleep. I guess I'm happy about this since I know how helpful sleep can really be. We sat there anyway for at least two hours.

The nurse practitioner said he kept needing the CPAP when they tried doing a cannula but they are going to keep trying. His IV sites are all looking "bad" (?) and that they'd rather do the umbilical catheter if it came down to it. Whatever, I don't know why they gave us the other option then (sorry, I am getting pretty pissy lately).

I begged them to call if there was ever an opportune time to hold him, that I would come down at 2AM if thats what it took because I NEED to hold him. They said they would but I don't know if they will. They don't seem to be very good about keeping us up to date on what is happening with him...

I guess we are just waiting for him to "turn around". When his fluid is out of his lungs and he loses his swelling/water weight he apparently will come around quickly. She said it usually happens within 3-7 days but sometimes takes a long time. He's 5 days old so I don't know. We keep the car seat in the car at all times. I saw a mom taking her baby home today. I wonder what they will think of the crying woman in the background of their pictures LOL I'm pretty sure I would eat cow eyeballs every day for a year if it meant I could have him home safe tomorrow.

Jim just called and said that they said they turned the oxygen down a little more on his CPAP and gave him 10ccs of colostrum. The nurse practitioner said sometimes with bigger babies they have to give them more food for their bellies to recognize that they are eating so she doubled his feed. They said he is doing "about the same" (I am so tired of hearing that).

I hope he knows I was there with him for a while. I hate to think that he is there and looking for me and I'm not there.

I think we will take the camera tomorrow and try to get some new pictures. He changes every day. When I first had him I felt like I couldn't distinguish him physically from other babies, if there was a herd of babies I would have been walking around smelling all of them like a beast or something. Now he's physically distinguishable to me.

Think I'm going to go to bed before I depress everyone. Please hope that tomorrow he starts improving or at least that I can hold him for a while (and that I have the strength not to just soak him in tears if I can). I miss him so much.